As I mentioned last month in my “Ralph Lauren x Spelhouse: Representation in all Perspectives” blog, I believe in the power of the media therefore, I experienced a new perspective pertaining to my belief system. This month I decided to visit my cousin in Texas, who has started a new job. During our morning walk the other day, I was feeling anxious. Not only because I had sugar the night before and my cousin woke me up early, my mind was just discombobulated.
Something about the neighborhood we were walking in disgusted me, though, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I had racing thoughts, like “Is this what I really want?”. Seeing husbands in their 9-5 attire walking with their dogs, mom clubs jogging together, and annoying birds chirping every five seconds was driving me crazy. Despite there being nothing wrong with it though. So, I figured that maybe it’s the cool native NYC girl in me that has adopted the “there is no other place better than NY!” mindset. When you’re programmed like that, it’s hard to be satisfied with any other place. However, the questions still lingered in my mind and got worse.
Especially when my cousin said to me, “I’ve realized that I am going to be doing this for the rest of my life”. Referring to waking up and going to work five days a week. She mentioned this after reminiscing about the normalcy when both of us had to just get up and go to school as kids and then return to campus after winter break in college. And then the pandemic happened, but I digress; it was simple. Yet, of course, when you’re that age, nothing ever seems simple until you do it enough times. And that’s how I felt about her comment and my thoughts.
“Is this what I really want?”. As I shared before, I believe that the media and those around us play a role in determining our way of living. From our careers, lifestyle, living spaces, health, politics, beliefs, relationships, and more. If we are not careful, it can sometimes become brainwashing intentionally and unintentionally. What we see on the internet, like materialistic things, financial decisions, or changes in appearances, it can influence our mind indirectly, and if we allow it to.
In other words, sometimes people want the things they don’t want or need. It’s not until we see others have it or if someone we look up to tells us to attain it or to think in a particular way, that we believe we should want it. However, sometimes this leads to opposite outcomes:
- Parents who didn’t think they wanted children, but once they had them, they loved being parents.
- A kid who despises education but then loves it after graduating from college.
- A man who listened to his grandfather’s wisdom to pursue a particular career but disliked it.
- A woman who thought she wanted a monogamous relationship, but rather be loved by many people.
- A young adult who believed they wanted marriage, but prefers a relationship with themselves.
This stuff happens all the time, and it’s about growth, change, and authenticity. I also believe that life is meant to be enjoyed at all times, despite age and circumstances, like loss or lack. So, to help myself reframe and understand what I truly want, I grabbed a journal and got busy over the past three days. The questions I asked myself are what I am going to share with you. So, grab your notebook and pen and get comfortable. This may take you some time to answer, so be open to the process and patient. Whether it’s a few hours, days, or a week, it’s okay. Ask, and your answer will surely come to you, and it’ll feel right.
Journal prompts:
- What habit/s should I add to my life and why? Example – I should listen to informative podcasts so that I can have better conversations with people.
- What habit/s should I eliminate from my life, and what solution/s can I create for them, and why? | Example – I should stop doomscrolling on the internet before bed and read a book instead because it will help me get a good nights rest.
- What habit/s do I believe would greatly impact my body and mind, and why would they be beneficial to me? | Example – I should go for a walk 3x a week and cut out processed sugars because it will give me energy and heal my body.
- Where do I want to live? How do I want my house to look? What do I want my neighborhood to look like? | Example – I want to live 30 minutes outside a city like NYC. I want my house to be a townhouse with a driveway and I would prefer my neighborhood to be lively with lots of fun things to do. For instance, community events, volunteering opportunities, coffee shops, creative activities (dance, music, film, arts, etc.), ample places to eat (vegan friendly) and populated with young Black professionals.
*That was specific, I know! But the more specific you are, the better, and it’ll feel authentic to you. Plus, if anyone has any city suggestions, email me!*
- If money weren’t real, what would I be doing with my time? | Example – I would be taking dance classes, writing for fun, throwing free events for women, and more!
- What limiting beliefs have been living rent-free in my head that I want to let go? What would help me release it? What new beliefs do I want to adopt? And what can support this new belief? | Example – A liming belief I want to let go of is “I need money to do the things I love”. What would help me release it is, “Asking others to help me in any way they can”. A new belief I want to adopt is, “I get everything for free; therefore, focusing on my projects doesn’t cost a dime”. Proof of this belief is, “My writing friends take time out of their day to read my work and give me feedback” (sometimes you have to pay for that).
- If I were raising my younger self, what would I give them? What would I make come true despite any doubts and challenges? | Example – I would give myself younger my word. That looks like being discipline in my eating habits, completing what I started, and showering her with love at all times so that she can trust me.
This blog has to be one of my favorites so far because I believe it would truly change your life for the better, as it has done for me. Some of the prompts may seem simple, like “Where do I want to live?”, but this question is important because homes are the reflection of your mind, self-perspective, and how you function in the world in terms of habits and productivity level. So, be intentional with how you answer all of them.
I also created a mini journal for you to print and fill out. What makes this different from what I listed above is that it has a “Living Proof” tracker that you can list all the things you asked for that came into fruition, and more! You can get it here!
